Two Questionable Profilers
by make-x-applesauce
Summary: Garcia becomes suspicious of just how close Morgan and Reid are becoming, and it's time she did something about it. Oneshot! M/R implied slash. Rating for some sexual references.


**Had an amusing idea pop into my head before I fell asleep last night.**

**Garcia excessively involved in the matters of Reid and Morgan's relationship is a brilliancy I've kind of recently become obsessed with.**

**I do not own CM or any of its characters.**

**Enjoy! :)**

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...

Garcia opened the front door to Morgan's apartment with utter glee, the others following behind her. Derek had very reluctantly gotten an extra key made for her to roam in and out of his humble abode as she pleased after he had lost a embarassing bet with her.

"Time?" she asked, rushing to set the enourmous mounds of balloons in various areas of the hardwood floor.

Rossi checked his watch. "Quarter to six."

Garcia smiled widely, rubbing her hands together as if she was planning something rather mischievious.

"Tell me again why you decided to set up two hours early?" Emily asked the reeling tech analyst in front of her.

She seemed not to hear her, walking to and fro from Morgan's bedroom, bathroom, and also the guest bedroom, obviously looking for something.

"Garcia?" Emily tried.

The sprinting woman eventually slowed her pace for a few moments to settle her clueless co-worker.

"Emily, sweetie, I _told_ you, I left one of my jackets from last time I visited and I wanted to look for it before he got back," she stated with finality. She glanced up to see JJ and Rossi adjusting the very large and colorful **_HAPPY BIRTHDAY!_** banner.

Although Emily looked extremely unconvinced, Garcia left her to prepare the frosting to ice the cake in the kitchen.

Emily stood watching her, arms across her chest. "Garcia, what are you up to?"

The computer genius pretended to look unfazed. "Emily, whatever do you mean?" Her tone was sickeningly sick. The profiler wasn't buying it.

_"Garcia."_ Emily repeated in a tone that reflected her doubt.

"Okay, fine," she surrendered, placing the icing funnel down. "I think our Boy Genius and Chocolate Thunder have something going on," she blurted.

Emily made a face. "What?"

"Come on, Emily, _honestly_, how do you not see it? The sensually subtle eye glances, and the weird, whispered conversations they have on their breaks, oh, and Spencer has been wearing cologne! _Derek's_ cologne, might I add. I should know."

Emily opened her mouth to say something, but Garcia interrupted.

"They sit approximately two inches closer to each other in the conference room, and I've seen Morgan whisper things to him that turns baby genius as red as a ripe tomato, and if I'm noticing these things, a trained profiler should see it as clear as day."

Emily nodded slowly. "So, this is why you decided to surprise Morgan for his birthday at his house and not at the BAU? You wanted to see if Reid came home with him, which is why you didn't tell him about this."

"Yes!"

"And you were looking through Morgan's things for something of Reid's?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, well, Garcia, I'm not going to say I haven't noticed some of those things, and as much as I'd enjoy that being true, I don't think it's as- exaggerated as you think it is..." Emily drew out carefully.

Garcia pretended to listen to the remainder of Emily's explanation, but she knew she would just have to prove herself, and she was going to do just that, so she smiled internally at Emily's skepticism.

"Maybe you're right, Em."

Emily nodded sympathetically, patting her on her back. "Come on, I'll help you finish the last of the frosting."

_..._

Three FBI special agents and one technical analyst sat behind the double couches in the frontroom, each of them holding a tube of streamers and whistles.

Garcia silently wished her theories were right. If she wasn't, oh well.

If she was...

She smiled at how much joy it would bring her.

Just at that moment, they heard a key unlocking the door. Everyone prepared themselves.

Garcia listened closely. She heard talking. And footsteps that belonged to another person.

"You think he's-" JJ started loudly. Garcia quickly clamped a hand over JJ's mouth, looking to her left at Emily.

_"He's with someone,"_ she mouthed.

Emily's eyes widened slightly. JJ gave Garcia a confused look after she removed her hand from her face.

Garcia motioned for everyone to keep quiet as she continued to listen.

_"I can't wait to try this stuff out."_ The low, smooth voice was instantly recognized. _"I still can't believe you agreed to all of it."_

_"It's only because it's your birthday. Don't expect too much after tonight,"_ a soft, _very_ distinct voice answered.

Garcia gasped, glancing to Emily who was staring at her in shock. JJ was trying to stifle giggles, and Rossi looked rather amused by the situation.

_That was Reid! That voice belonged to Reid!_ Garcia thought, elated.

Then, the door opened.

_"Do you think anyone suspects something going on?"_ they all heard Reid ask quietly. The door closed behind them.

_"Pretty Boy, you think too much,"_ they heard Derek answer.

The expression on Garcia's face looked like she was going to burst into happy tears.

Reid made a disapproving noise.

_"I know one thing, you won't be able to think at all by the time I'm finished with you." _Morgan whispered seductively.

Everyone almost lost it by that point.

"Hold on a second," Reid said.

"What?"

Reid sniffed the air. "Do you smell that?"

Morgan looked confused at first, but then caught on.

"Garcia's perfume."

_Aw damn it! I knew I put too much on!_

Reid and Morgan looked at each other with slightly fearful expressions, Morgan reaching over to flip the light switch...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Everyone jumped out and shouted awkwardly, lamely releasing the streamers.

The two discovered agents wore a look of utter disbelief on their faces, Reid dropping the bag he held in his hand, and out rolled a number of various sex toys, a pair of handcuffs, and lubrication

"Ahem... Surprise?" the blushing tech girl said with a grin.

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You made it to the end! ** cookie for you **

Love and glomps to all my readers.


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